Drama.

This involves a lot of drama but I need to write just to ease the pain.
I never told you both how much you guys meant to me. But words really cant describe how much I love you for Allah's sake.


I never told you I love you more than her, maybe I did, but I may forget. The point is things have changed, she's a better person now, and to me you guys are neither higher nor lower to each other but on the same level, yet still the highest in my point of view. I never thought she'd say that she likes you more than me, but I do appreciate you for finally telling the truth to the world, but what can I do, I can't force anyone to accept me as his/her best friend or to love more than he/she loves anyone.


I never assume you as a 'dictionary', a place, someone to refer about homework or something, because you are more than that, you're a good friend, and I respect your pride, sometimes I feel lonely sitting next to you, you are so determined, so focus on doing something while I thought I just wanna have some fun. Sometimes you get mad at me for nothing, and I was afraid to bother you. Meanwhile, she has been a great friend of mine, she is a clever girl yet a happy girl that didn't just think about books and studies but also have fun at the same time.


You two are the most precious, and BEST friend I've ever had, I think both of you are perfect, because I don't think we should think and behave alike at all times, so we kinda have variety here, one will fix what's wrong to each other whenever and wherever. Then by that, we'll understand each other more, and we would know how this kind of person would think at a certain time or place. I learned a lot from both of you.


Unfortunately, I don't see us 3 working out. I know you love her more than you love me, I can tell, you may not say it, but you kinda show it. You feel awkward talking to me, like there's not much to talk about, but when you're with her, I'm just glad you're having a fun time, your face looked brighter and happier. You told me I was the best person to sit next to, and next thing I know from someone, she's the best person you ever sit next to. You even wanted to sit next to her at the first place. You guys shared damn a lot of secrets together that whenever us 3 hanging out, I don't even know what you guys were talking about, I felt like I wasn't there, like I missed a lot of things, and I don't even exist.

I don't hang out with her as much as you think we do, but you guys are. You are so damn close, went sleepovers, cooking, hanging out, more like everything. I can't believe she did that to me, what I said to her shouldn't be known to you. I don't even talked shit about you, so why should her let you know? she shouldn't had to let him know too, I kinda lost my trust to her. I might have betrayed her once or more, but I don't see why would I do that again, because she's my friend, she has her own pride.


I don't feel sad whenever you guys are seen hanging out together, I don't feel jealous or whatever, I liked it that you guys are finally together, it's just that some secrets are meant to be broke by someone, and when the truth has revealed, I know I am a failure. Some hearts are so sensitive that you may think you're the only one who was hurt, and like I don't care what you feel.

But I've kept it so many years, so many things that hurt me but I never tell you that, it's not just from you both, my friendship has been miserable ever since I wasn't moved here. what a Katastrophen


So I take the full blame.