Drama.

This involves a lot of drama but I need to write just to ease the pain.
I never told you both how much you guys meant to me. But words really cant describe how much I love you for Allah's sake.


I never told you I love you more than her, maybe I did, but I may forget. The point is things have changed, she's a better person now, and to me you guys are neither higher nor lower to each other but on the same level, yet still the highest in my point of view. I never thought she'd say that she likes you more than me, but I do appreciate you for finally telling the truth to the world, but what can I do, I can't force anyone to accept me as his/her best friend or to love more than he/she loves anyone.


I never assume you as a 'dictionary', a place, someone to refer about homework or something, because you are more than that, you're a good friend, and I respect your pride, sometimes I feel lonely sitting next to you, you are so determined, so focus on doing something while I thought I just wanna have some fun. Sometimes you get mad at me for nothing, and I was afraid to bother you. Meanwhile, she has been a great friend of mine, she is a clever girl yet a happy girl that didn't just think about books and studies but also have fun at the same time.


You two are the most precious, and BEST friend I've ever had, I think both of you are perfect, because I don't think we should think and behave alike at all times, so we kinda have variety here, one will fix what's wrong to each other whenever and wherever. Then by that, we'll understand each other more, and we would know how this kind of person would think at a certain time or place. I learned a lot from both of you.


Unfortunately, I don't see us 3 working out. I know you love her more than you love me, I can tell, you may not say it, but you kinda show it. You feel awkward talking to me, like there's not much to talk about, but when you're with her, I'm just glad you're having a fun time, your face looked brighter and happier. You told me I was the best person to sit next to, and next thing I know from someone, she's the best person you ever sit next to. You even wanted to sit next to her at the first place. You guys shared damn a lot of secrets together that whenever us 3 hanging out, I don't even know what you guys were talking about, I felt like I wasn't there, like I missed a lot of things, and I don't even exist.

I don't hang out with her as much as you think we do, but you guys are. You are so damn close, went sleepovers, cooking, hanging out, more like everything. I can't believe she did that to me, what I said to her shouldn't be known to you. I don't even talked shit about you, so why should her let you know? she shouldn't had to let him know too, I kinda lost my trust to her. I might have betrayed her once or more, but I don't see why would I do that again, because she's my friend, she has her own pride.


I don't feel sad whenever you guys are seen hanging out together, I don't feel jealous or whatever, I liked it that you guys are finally together, it's just that some secrets are meant to be broke by someone, and when the truth has revealed, I know I am a failure. Some hearts are so sensitive that you may think you're the only one who was hurt, and like I don't care what you feel.

But I've kept it so many years, so many things that hurt me but I never tell you that, it's not just from you both, my friendship has been miserable ever since I wasn't moved here. what a Katastrophen


So I take the full blame.

Writing to Ease the Pain :'(

sorry love, 
maybe i was being too emotional,
maybe i was too sensitive,
i was too stupid to hold on to your promises,
i was too dumb to trust you,
maybe i'm not meant for you,
and maybe she does,
sorry for controlling you,
sorry i took away your freedom,
sorry i was too desperate to see you change,
i cared and loved you so much that i wont let anyone take you from me,
maybe i've let jealousy run in my blood,
u wouldnt understand this,
but that's okay :) ,
i've troubled you so much,

i promise i'll let you talk to anyone you like,
you can even tell them how much you love or miss them,
and you can tell them that you want to be close to them or hug them,
i wont be controlling you anymore,
i'm handing over your life back so you can live with it. :)


Hate that I love you cyg, cause it fucking hurts.


p/s: to all my friends, hope u guys understand, that i wrote this to ease the pain. not to show him off or being jiwang whatsoever. being close to you, is more secured than be with him. :)

Okay, so this guy totally got it right. Dammit

Missin these Sweet Times...

this was in last year when I was 15. (i'm still 15.. yet) we went to KL in this field trip.. love you guys!

 Pusat Sains Negara

 =)

 don't u miss these moments girls?? T,,T

 I'm hooking up with Mr. Shark now.

Who Am I to You?

Fairuz Izzati's opinion:

Zarina - kind, a little bit annoying, knows how to sing, takes care of her beauty, and a caring mom.

Azemi - quite a strong person, pretty smart, often takes us on vacations, and all financial problem is in his hand. hehehehe

Farrah - pretty (yucks), cute.. but more to cute. fierce, loves tough guys and Nazis.

Fatin - kinda chubby, loves MCR, unique stuff, and... Nigga?

Yosh - naughty kitty, cute, fat, spoilt, and fluffy

my life story

OK, so my life is quite different from other people. I had the best childhood but my life isn't going quite well now.
Why? coz I don't want to grow up. NOPE. not at all. I love being in school. I hate my primary school life but I definitely loving my high school life!! Well yea, there are like HUGE DIFFERENCES. -_-

So I think high school is more about being pretty and popular but I'm definitely not into it. BAH. I don't give a damn bout it. Besides, I'm more to myself. I'd rather be on the learn-all-the-time girls than making friends with those pretty & popular bitches. I'm a bitch too but in my own way laa. Bhahaha.

Ok, let's get over it. The main point is I still don't know which route I'm gonna take after I finish with my studies. What the hell, I don't even know my ambition.

....

Until then, I'm just gonna having fun and enjot these moments with my talkative-fun-hyperactive girls!

....and still lovin Lukas Podolski.

 HE'S SO DARN CUTE!!

My life focusses on..

My life,
focuses on my studies,
what I will be in the next few years,
what I want is to be an archeologist, or a photographer.

My life, focuses on the Germans,
how I like Germans,
how I adore German guys,
how I love the Deutscher Nationalmannschaft,
how I adore a Polish-German guy, Lukas Podolski,
how I would like to further my studies in Germany.

My life,
is not so pleasant..
but what I really focus on,
is Allah, Islam, und my family,
without them my life can never focus on my studies,
without them I can never focus on the Germans..

So, easy to say, I LOVE ALLAH, ISLAM, und MY FAMILY